Evaluating my own growth
Doing this production has been one of the most incredible journeys. Looking back to where I was
when we started and we i am now I feel like this has had such a massive influence in myself as both an actor and a person. The most significant thing for me that I have taken away from this and re-learnt is my love & appreciation for theatre. I hadn't realised it but i think that i had forgotten why i wanted to embrace this performing art in the first place. Being on stage in that show reminded me what its like to become immersed in this world and feel all of the emotions throughout the play running through your entire body. Those moments are what I live for, where there is nothing else apart from you and those people on stage in that space of time in that world, and I was starting to forget how amazing that could be because I hadn't been fully immersed in a production for a long time. This could be due to the fact everything is real life text and events, but in each show everything felt so real and tangiable. It was almost like I could have reached out and touched a thick fog full of what we all had created. I feel quite privileged to have experienced such an honest piece of theatre that taught me so much about acting as well as truths and concepts beyond that.
The main aspect that really stuck with me was the constant reminder that we have to work with the truth, whether that be the actual truth or the truth we find within ourselves. Honesty within my work is incredibly important because I find that is when the emotions are able to flow through you. A moment that sticks in my head is from my monologue as Shadow in the first show. It came as such a surprise to me, the intensity and realness of what I was saying took hold of me and I almost lost control of being 'the actor'. Instead I was inside this world feeling this grief and anger, so much so that when exiting the stage I bumped into Rooben and Joe coming on stage and we couldn't get past each other for a couple of seconds. In that moment I had to catch myself because I suddenly got a rush of such anger towards these people that were in my way, these were the feelings that I had carried off stage with me from my monologue and I actually do think that if I had pulled myself back I may have lashed out and yelled at them. The words were already in the back of my throat and I felt myself prepare to shout because there was so much anger and grief running through me. It was a moment that stays with me because I have never felt something so intensely after I'd got i stage, those emotions were carried with me and not left in the space. Although this was positive in the sense that the connections I had to the emotions and thoughts of the character because very present, I think that it would have some draw backs if this became a constant practice. Firstly, I had lost control of myself as an actor and therefore if I hadn't been able to stop myself I could have seriously disrupted a scene by yelling at my cast members while exiting. Not only would this throw them off as actors but it would also break the world of the stage for the audience because to them I may just seem like a frustrated and anger actor. The experience in all lead me to start pondering where we draw the line. As an actor we strive to create a truth in a situation that has never occurred to us exactly as it happens on stage.
Another thing I loved about working on Laramie was the fact it was an ensamble show. I realized that I enjoy being on stage all the time, even if im not speaking, and immersing myslf in that world so much more than I would just coming on at a section of the play to deliver loads of line and then wait back stage for the rest of it. I think that would be so boring, and as an actor not as fufilling because you aren't able to follow the whole journey of your character and the play. I felt just as emotionally involved in this production when I was simply on stage carrying out movement as I did when I had lines. Both were equally stimulating and I wouldn't have traded my role in this producation for any other show where I had a main part.
Evaluating the production
Overall, I thought the production was an enormous success. Each one was a surprise to me with different feelings and connections appearing every time we did it. The play had an amazing honesty and truth that was present throughout the whole run and you could see that as a cast the text was precious to us. Due to the play being real people words the entire way through, our cast had a huge respect for the text and this was never dropped. I think the pride we took in honouring Matthews memory and the want to do it well stood us in good stead. An awful thing to happen would have been for us as a cast to start to take the piss out of these peoples words or put on these sterotypical characters that we think they should be instead of taking the time to find out who they actually are or could be. From the very beginning of the rehersal process it was made clear that no one was there to laugh at the play & the character and that everyone wanted to commit and do their very best to do the script and the characters justice. I think this was a large factor in what made the play such a success because it meant that each and every character that came on stage, no matter how many lines they had, brought something new and interesting to the world because no one was playing a sterotype. If we had all tried to be western cowboys preaching hate the play would have only existed on a surface level and possessed no depth. Having all these different people and opinions on stage was essential to creating the world, and Laramie was very much all about the world it existed in (why else would it be called The Laramie Project). Having different characters on stage with different view point on all the topics also gave the play a lot more of a dynamic because it meant that we were able to create conflict and different energies to bounce off of on stage. Without these different ideas and opinions popping up everywhere the show would have been bland and without a emotional journey.
Although I believe the production was very successful, there were elements that we could have worked on more if we were going to do it again. In my opinion the main draw backs to our show were to do with the set or technical things that weren't necessarily to do with the actual acting. The rehersal process was quite last minute in some areas, the set being one. Practicing with the full set for the whole show didn't happen utill the dress, and although we managed to get away with it in the final show I feel the moving of set could have been a lot more precise and efficient that what it was. There was lots of shuffling about and the set was never put bang on the marks on stage, as well as quite a few confusing moments about where the set was actually going. If we had had more time and practice with the set I think we would have been able to devise a more abstract & physical way to maneuver the blocks that would have tied in with the world we had created.
As a cast we tried really hard at this and progressed enomasly throughout the rehersal process but knowing your intention behind the movemet was something that came up repreatedly in notes. This aspect of hugely important in the success of the show with a piece of a theatre thats quite movement based that physicalised stuff needs to have a background and depth to it otherwise its no longer theatre and just becomes a bunch of people doing actions on stage. I think our cast did very well at valuing this and understanding the importance and therefore everyone did put in the work to make sure that they knew what their intentions were behind each action they needed to perform. As a cast we played a huge game of trust because we were an ensamble, meaning that the fate of the play lay equally on everyones shoulders. However this didn't cause anybody to try and grab the limelight or take anything away from anybody else or even try and tell other cast members how to do their part. I feel like we all were content in the parts we had and just made it our bussiness to do the things we had to do to the best of our ability.
Doing this production has been one of the most incredible journeys. Looking back to where I was
Another thing I loved about working on Laramie was the fact it was an ensamble show. I realized that I enjoy being on stage all the time, even if im not speaking, and immersing myslf in that world so much more than I would just coming on at a section of the play to deliver loads of line and then wait back stage for the rest of it. I think that would be so boring, and as an actor not as fufilling because you aren't able to follow the whole journey of your character and the play. I felt just as emotionally involved in this production when I was simply on stage carrying out movement as I did when I had lines. Both were equally stimulating and I wouldn't have traded my role in this producation for any other show where I had a main part.
Evaluating the production
Although I believe the production was very successful, there were elements that we could have worked on more if we were going to do it again. In my opinion the main draw backs to our show were to do with the set or technical things that weren't necessarily to do with the actual acting. The rehersal process was quite last minute in some areas, the set being one. Practicing with the full set for the whole show didn't happen utill the dress, and although we managed to get away with it in the final show I feel the moving of set could have been a lot more precise and efficient that what it was. There was lots of shuffling about and the set was never put bang on the marks on stage, as well as quite a few confusing moments about where the set was actually going. If we had had more time and practice with the set I think we would have been able to devise a more abstract & physical way to maneuver the blocks that would have tied in with the world we had created.
As a cast we tried really hard at this and progressed enomasly throughout the rehersal process but knowing your intention behind the movemet was something that came up repreatedly in notes. This aspect of hugely important in the success of the show with a piece of a theatre thats quite movement based that physicalised stuff needs to have a background and depth to it otherwise its no longer theatre and just becomes a bunch of people doing actions on stage. I think our cast did very well at valuing this and understanding the importance and therefore everyone did put in the work to make sure that they knew what their intentions were behind each action they needed to perform. As a cast we played a huge game of trust because we were an ensamble, meaning that the fate of the play lay equally on everyones shoulders. However this didn't cause anybody to try and grab the limelight or take anything away from anybody else or even try and tell other cast members how to do their part. I feel like we all were content in the parts we had and just made it our bussiness to do the things we had to do to the best of our ability.
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